Although I haven't been on top of blogging, I have still be active in my yoga progress these past few days! I feel like I've been procrastinating on my homework- even though this is far more fun than typical "homework". This weekend was just one thing after another, starting with birthday celebrations all day Saturday, and I have just had a hard time fitting in all my dedications!

(*Right - the birthday-party-day breakfast made by Jon <3 black bean gumbo with hunks of avocado, avocado toast, peppered tomatoes, french toast, and grapefruit mimosas)

It has been an incredible 4 days though, with a whirl wind of emotions. This weekends practice brought up a whole bunch of feelings, and I felt pretty weakened by most of them. It wasn't so much that particular memories or experiences came back to me, but a feeling of hopelessness came over me whenever I had an extra moment to myself. I think the verdict of the Treyvon Martin case didn't help that as well. However I couldn't mentally articulate what exactly it was that was making me feel less than usual self, it was just a feeling.

(*Left - the ceiling of Bareburger- where a bunch of friends and I had my birthday dinner Saturday night)

Sunday night's class changed all of that though. I ended up taking a class I had never taken before with the owner of Sacred, who I know but I have also never taken a class by. The only thing I knew was that it was a heated hour and a half and that there would be few words and mostly music. She began by saying the theme for the class was healing, and that the soundtrack she chose was geared towards finding a healing inner power within us. We were encouraged to sing with the songs as well :)

(*Below - the delicious smelling honeysuckle of Hattie Carthan Community Garden - the garden we will now be getting a weekly produce basket from every Saturday)
The intention spoke very strongly to me, because it was EXACTLY what I needed. Instead of letting any negative thoughts of how weak or tired or frustrated or sad I had been feeling during the weekend come up, I focused on finding the strength from each movement to heal whatever it was that was hurt. I wasn't mental, it was just a feeling. And it was the entire bikram flow that I know so well from the beginning of my practice years ago. The whole class ended up being a reminder of why I began practicing yoga and why I continue to do so.

(*Below - a chilled beet, avocado, cashew cream soup with peppermint I made for dinner. It's been so hot here only cold food sounds appetizing. The beets and peppermint were both from our local produce basket <3)


Yoga is not about being flexible, it's not about being able to do all the poses in every class, and it's not even about being physically strong. It's about meeting yourself where you're at, and encouraging yourself to find the strength to be your best self and continuing to do better. It's about recognizing where you've been hurt (whether by yourself or by someone else), forgiving that person, and allowing yourself to heal- to really heal. And it's about feeling the connection between your choices, your environment, and everything within and around you and knowing that the beginning of you making a difference starts with you loving yourself and being true to your self, because everything you do and feel is connected to the world around you.



(*Right - saw a good friend from high school on Sunday. We spent several hours catching up at Mud coffee. I forget sometimes how wonderful it is to talk to someone from your hometown.)

It was a beautiful class, and I even ended up singing a little bit (very softly), and since then I've felt all the strength come back to me. The past two classes this week have been a blast, tough as usual, but the challenge is so welcome because I know it's for my improvement. And I'm already over half way done :)

Needless to say my inversion practice has also been suffering from all this running around. Not to mention this heat is definitely keeping me off my roof and just in front of my fan. But here's Monday's bandha + hollow back focused handstand.

This is a rush post, so I apologize if it's sloppy and not as well written as it could be, but I wanted to get some of my thoughts down before too many more days passed! And as proof of my busy-ness here are a bunch of pictures from the last four days. Hopefully I'll be posting again tomorrow! x

I had a conversation with a client Wednesday- the day after my two day birthday hiatus- that included me telling her I was playing a little catch up on work since I had been out of the office. She responded by saying sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to take a vacation because of all the work that piles up. I have to say although I heartily disagree (I always welcome vacation!) it does make a difference when you get back to work- I didn't even realize I had missed 3 days of entries!! I've been so busy...

But as far as my classes at Sacred have been, these last three days have been a super fun triad. Wednesday was the nighttime Flow 75 (favorite standard), Thursday was Get Up Get Down - a flow class with inversion play (so much fun &so many laughs!) and tonight was the Hot Wind Down- a butt kicker and best way to end the week. I have so many thoughts to accompany these classes, but I guess I'll start with the little stuff.

Like the actual little stuff. This week has been interesting because not only have I been having tons of random flashbacks to movies, songs, and books that I haven't thought of since.. junior high? But I've also been dreaming about people who I haven't seen in years! I'm pretty sure that my practice is creating this a bit, allowing things to come up that haven't been thought of or have been pushed down for a long long time.

Why I'm convinced of this is because now that I feel like I have a little more control in class than I've had in the past, I've been able to pay attention to the smaller details of each pose- really deepening and tapping into my edge. This is a great feeling during class and I really feel like I'm connecting to new parts of myself I haven't connected to before, and I feel like I'm also accessing areas of my body that have been untouched for a very long time. All of these little areas have energy triggers and storage spaces that have held things in, and now I'm getting into those areas and doing a little cleaning.

Energetically it's thrown me just a bit. It's been several months since I've gotten emotional because of a class, and this time around I'm calm and concentrated-just trying to ride it out instead of holding on to whatever my body is trying to let go of. But I must say it's tricky sometimes just because my normal habit is to hold things in, focus on them… that line about beating a dead horse- well that's what I usually do with my emotions. I really make sure they're dead before I can walk away from them, and I'm trying so hard to not let myself do that anymore. We only hold onto the things we allow ourselves to hold onto- I don't want to hold onto 10 year old feelings and dispositions. It's not what I want to focus my energy on anymore.


Saying these things is easy, but actually doing them is another story, because it can be really scary to do new things with your emotions especially when they're deeply tied to long standing habits. A really really fun aspect of the Get Up Get Down class was that it really challenged us to face our natural fear of falling/being upside down. It's so funny- I think I had a major Batman moment. I didn't think I was afraid of being upside down, especially after all the falling I've been doing in my personal inversion practice (!!) but during class I caught myself being scared to do simple little things with my body that were geared towards really challenging that fear. And it wasn't until I accepted that I was scared was I really able to face it and work to release it.

I didn't necessarily feel it in class, but today in my pincha practice I was able to fully balance in the pose in a way I haven't ever before. I felt much more control, and it was because I knew I was scared, but I was okay with it. This, to me, was a perfect example of how to work through old emotional habits- the first step being able to see them objectively for what they are, accepting that they've been a part of you for a long time and still are, and then actively working to counter them. And it's not just an emotional process- it's mental, physical, and definitely requires faith (in whatever way that fits you).

So today when I went into class I thought to myself- today I'm going to focus more on these little things, and try to work through them, gain more from them, and release them to make room for more growth. I didn't push myself 100%, I probably could have gone to my edge a little more,  but I walked out feeling really good about how I did, and really good about myself. And that's all you can really ask for when you leave class- that you leave feeling better than how you went in.

It's been a very interesting 3 days- there has never been a class that hasn't taught me something, and I feel like this 30 day challenge is the express route. I still have a bunch of thoughts from these last few days, but considering this post is getting long enough as is, I guess I should stop before I play all my cards ;) I'll leave you with my headstand/ airplane dance pose. Until tomorrow x

Yesterday I turned 24 :) It was a wonderfully lazy and relaxed day, filled with so much love and I felt so lucky and blessed all day.
(*Right - my goofy birthday face. I was so happy all day!)


Jon also made a delicious black bean taco pizza for dinner which was super yummy- it was a crust from scratch, black bean base, then my homemade nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato, homemade salsa and crispy tortilla shreds sprinkled on top. I am so grateful to have a boyfriend who's so good in the kitchen :) I was also gifted a vitamix!!! It came in the day before and I was so excited that I made salsa, hummus, and ice cream with it all in one day. Clearly the Susie homemaker in me came out full force, haha!

(*Right - the delicious pizza made by my wonderful loverboy. Below - my new vitamix!)

I feel like each year comes with certain
responsibilities and certain lessons to be learned. I was reluctant to leave 23 behind because it was such a dramatic year of challenges and experiences, but I know the year ahead of me is going to be incredibly fulfilling. After a few years of feeling like I was flailing for answers (there really should be post-collage classes on how to be an adult/ what to expect from life after collage) I feel like I'm on a path that is going towards what I really want and what I really need for myself. There are no questions about whether I'm making the right decisions, it's just a matter of when I make them. It's a really good feeling.

But back to what this blog is actually about! The past two days of yoga have been soooooo much fun! I've hit a place in my practice where I feel really comfortable, and it starts from a simple physical movement. Breathing. But not just breathing- really breathing. Breathing calmly, deeply- with patience and with trust. Breathing as if each bit of oxygen that's coming in is full of love and you want to soak up every tiny molecule, and breathing out to make space for all the relaxation and comfort you're striving for in your body. Since that blazing hot class last Friday I've truly discovered how to keep my mind and my breath calm, and to let the movements do all the work. I no longer feel as much struggle, and I really feel as though I'm moving through a meditation.

It's as if the past few years of my practice I've had a collar around my neck and my lungs, holding them in just slightly to the point where it's hard for me to breathe. I've never had an easy time breathing, even in gym classes in junior high and high school. Smoking for several years certainly didn't help, but after I quit three years ago it took a really long time to notice a difference.

These past few days though it's as if I've never taken in a full breath before, and I can keep it steady even when my heart is beating like crazy. It gives this automatic feeling of control and peace throughout the body, because the breath in my opinion is the strongest physical way to access your inner power. When you are breathing you're alive, and if you can breathe calmly under duress then you are proving your strength to yourself and building your power simultaneously. The yoga teachers say it all the time "breathe, just breathe, breathe calmly" but it's different when you hear it and you thinking you're doing it versus actually doing it and knowing you're doing it right.

As for my inversion practice- I didn't do much of it yesterday- I pretty much just played around on the roof! However, between my eka pada rajapotasana, chakrasana, and hollow back practice I really have been noticing an opening in my shoulders- and wow what a difference that makes!


New things are happening in my practice and it's so exciting!! I just keep hoping for each day to be a good day, going in with no expectations, and trying my best to be as open as I can, and not just in class. And on that note we'll see what today/tonight brings!

(* it was an incredibly beautiful weekend- a view from my favorite yoga spot <3)

Throughout my experience in yoga practice I have learned many things about myself and about exercise, and one of the most important of those lessons is has been that rest is just as important as the actual movement. It's similar to writing- editing is 50% of the work. Well in yoga, rest is 50% of the growth.

It took me a while to learn this. When I first started bikram I was so thirsty for a cleansing that I wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. Not only was I going 3 times a week (which was a huge jump from doing absolutely none at all) but I was also biking all over the place. It was summer time and I can't even fathom how much sweat I dropped in those 5 months. I would wake up in the morning and just go go go- bike to work, stand on my feet all day, bike home, bike to yoga, eat, sleep, and repeat. There was down time, but it wasn't conscious down time. I clearly needed a change, and I grabbed it the second it came to me, but since I was not giving my body the rest it needed all the work eventually took it's toll on me. I remember there were days when I would wake up and think "I really don't want to go to yoga today- I'm so tired…" but I would go anyway. I got burnt out pretty quickly.

So after time away from the heated room, I began to slowly and naturally ease my way back into my hot practice, and this time around I can feel a dramatic difference. In between classes I allow major resting time. I rest not only for my body, but also my mind. I take calming showers, I make sure to eat fulfilling, nurturing food, and I give myself little treats here and there as little gifts. I listen to what my body is asking for, which is the best thing I think I can do. There is no torture involved, and there is no excessive pushing to do more than I can. I can feel myself getting stronger, more balanced, and more confident with each day- I can see it and feel it in my practice.



Rest is not being lazy or sluggish, and it's not a time to complain or criticize yourself for what you're not doing. It takes just as much consciousness and care as the physical exercise and it is active. It's the time you have to reflect on all the work you're doing and surrender to all the incredible benefits of that work. There is no growth in constant work- that's just robotic. But there is growth in reflective work, and without the down time we wouldn't be able to see just how far we've come since we started our journey.

And on that note, I have to say I got the some of the best sleep of my life last night, and I'm so ready to start into my second week of the 30 day challenge tonight! Between today and yesterday I feel like I've been giving myself a lot of free/fun/fluid time to do whatever I'm craving to do, which of course ends up with me playing around in poses/ in the kitchen/ with crafts :P My inversion challenge progression pictures are shown above (working on stag leg balances this week- and my handstand was held for a full 5 seconds today!!) and a few other things I got to do this weekend!

( *to the right- a strawberry + blueberry pie & a few apple turnovers | below my third tangram coaster - just one more to go!)

The awesome thing about this 30 day challenge is that I'm pushing myself to try out new classes and teachers that I haven't tried before. It's only been one week but I already feel like I've experienced a real variety of classes, which is so beneficial to not only my practice but also to my own gathering of teaching observations. Granted I'm only sticking to yoga- I could definitely also try any of the pilates, pole dancing, or other movement classes, but for now at least I feel like I'm getting a lot of education with just the yoga.
    















(*I didn't get a lot of pics, but here are a few early ones of my my man by the grill just before we really got it going, and some good friends having a good time.)

I think the Hot Fusion class is my new favorite class. It's just challenging enough without being too exhausting, and I leave feeling like I got just what I needed. That's exactly what yesterday's class was, and it was the perfect way to start the day before our long hot bbq park adventure (which was a blast!). Not to mention hot yoga is definitely the best way to prep for a blazing 90 something degree weather day like yesterday- I swear I can mentally manage the heat so much better.

Physically though, the heat might be getting to me. Today I'm feeling pretty damn tired, and I think between the long days in the sun this week and the early rising every morning I've gotten a little worn. So today I'm allowing myself to recuperate and relax alllll day - no pressure to do anything… except I still need to get my inversion in for the day! Yesterday at the park I tried practicing my handstands without a wall or a tree- I even got a few friends to try with me at the end of the day. I can't balance for too long, but I am definitely understanding more and more what areas need to be activated, how that feels, and how it all ties into balance. It's so fun- there's always something to learn in yoga.

Due to yesterday being the 4th of July and all, I figured I could allow myself one day completely away from the lovely glow of my computer screen. So today's entry in another combo entry, but this time I think it works out appropriately.

Yesterday's class was one of two classes the studio held during the holiday, and because of the 30 day challengers it was packed. Feet were in faces, sweaty arms were constantly bumping each other, your neighbors breathing sounded like it was right next to your ear… I LOVE classes like that. Seriously. I always feel like there is so much energy in the room that it has to be a good time, and really no one can take themselves seriously when they're doing chaturanga into someone else's feet. Not to mention you have to get comfortable with one another- your space is going to get invaded and you gotta get comfortable with that, because the plus side is then you get to make friends.

Classes like that also require a lot of focus, which is something I'm not sure I realized until yesterday. The whole point is still to have a breathing/moving meditation with yourself in the company of others, so allowing the presence of the people around you to become secondary and not become a distraction is key. But that's tough when you're constantly worrying if you're going to accidentally hit the person next to you.

Tonight's class on the other hand was HOT- even hotter than the room with 30 or so people in it from yesterday. I haven't been in a room that hot since Bikram LES (or at least that's how I felt!), and surprisingly I totally dug it. There is a whole other challenge that comes up with heat, and it requires full mental control (or release depending on how you look at it) . I found at one point in the class that I really wanted to give up, but when I took a knee I realized I was breaking not because my heart was racing out of control, I couldn't find my breath, or I was feeling nauseous, but because I had literally just thought to myself "No way can I do this right now." But I totally could! The only thing stopping me was that I didn't think I could. So I took a deep breath and refocused. And for the rest of the flow series that's what I concentrated on. No mind, no thoughts, nothing. Just deep, long inhales and exhales. Feeling my heart pounding and feeling myself calming it with every breath and movement. And that's what yoga is about, and it was amazing.

The major lesson I learned between these two classes was a personal one. Yesterday's class I would normally consider rather "easy". It wasn't hot, the flow was relatively moderate, and we were given a pretty fair amount of breaks. However I also don't consider that I personally did "well" in that class. My breathing was uneven, it was hard for me to concentrate, and I definitely didn't push myself as much as I know I could have. 

Tonight's class however, I would definitely consider "hard" but I also feel I personally did really "well" and I believe it was because I was forced to concentrate because of the heat and it was easier because of there were fewer people in the room. Granted we all have our good days and bad days, and yesterday just could have been a bad day, but I also think that when I am given a certain type of challenge I will automatically want to live up to it, while when I'm given another kind of challenge I won't know what to do with it. But each class will present a different of challenge, and it's entirely up to me to face that challenge when it comes and get through it the best way I can, no matter the circumstances. Because that's what life is about, and when you do get through challenges you feel amazing.


So to make a long two days short (not really) that's been my double daily yoga dose. And as for my personal inversion challenge, day 4 and 5 were pinchmayurasana/forearm stand and a standard shoulder stand. The good news is I'm getting much better at my pincha!! Wall shmall, I'll straighten this sucker out in no time ;)

I thought for sure today was going to be tough. I know it's only the third day but last night Jon and I stayed up pretty late, ate a huge amount of homemade mexican food, and drank 3 beers to top it off. I walked over to the studio today thinking "it's going to be a rough class." But I sucked down my two jars of water, sipped a little more before stepping into class, and surprisingly it was one of the best classes I've taken in a while.

(*Some food porn: pico de galo, giant vegan burrito)

The Warm 60 class at Sacred is pretty fun, especially because I started my serious yoga practice with Bikram. It's a shortened, less hot version of what a regular Bikram class is like, and at 7am it's an awesome way to start the day. I've thought to myself several times that this version is such a nice way to practice that asana series. What was even better about today's class, however, was that it was lead by an instructor who has such a wonderful and funny personality, and that really resonates with her instruction. There were several moments in class she had us all smiling, if not laughing. Those types of classes I walk out of feeling like nothing could bring me down.

So the lesson from my practice (and this lesson has come up several times, but it's so hard to remember!) is to expect the unexpected. My body goes through things that I sometimes don't feel, and won't feel until I step into that hot room and step onto that mat. And whatever happens there is entirely my doing and my responsibility. Going in with an open and empty mind, with just the intention of doing my best will allow the space for my body and my mind to go through just what it needs for that day.


& My day 2 + 3 inversion challenge poses- a wall handstand and a supported headstand.