Last week I focussed specifically on the second chakra or the Svadishthana Chakra- and it evolved into probably one of the largest collections of information I've ever gathered for a written project. This is a very interesting chakra that is charged with emotion for a lot of people, and I even found myself pulling away from it just when doing my daily writing. Although my goal was to really sift through the shallow end of the chakras, I've discovered that even getting more than ankle deep can be scary. Regardless, here is what I discovered about the svadhisthana:

"Sva" translates to vital force and "adhisthana" translates to abode. It has also been translated as as "one's own place or base," indicating just how crucial this chakra is in our lives. The tasks of the second chakra include allowing for emotional and sensual movement in our life, opening to pleasure, and learning how to "go with the flow."

Lotus | The 6 petals are meant to represent a responsibility and nurturing connection with oneself and one’s community. Six is sometimes called “the motherhood number” - it is all about sacrificing, caring, healing, protecting and teaching others. Because 6 is also said to be the most harmonious of all the single digit numbers creating an environment of peace and harmony is naturally it’s representation. Other terms used to describe the symbolism of the number 6 are: connects above and below, reconciliation, intellectual creativity, discrimination, imagination, union, love, perfection, ability to use the imagination and the intellect combined, relatedness, taking responsibility for choices.

Within the lotus is also a half moon, formed by two different sized inner circles, one inside the other. This directly associates itself with the element of water and the connection of water with the moon.

Color | To the human eye, orange is a very hot color, so it gives the sensation of heat, but it is not quite as aggressive as red. Orange increases oxygen supply to the brain, produces an invigorating effect, and stimulates mental activity. As a citrus color, orange is associated with healthy food and stimulates appetite. It is the color of fall and harvest, and in heraldry orange is symbolic of strength and endurance. Orange relates to 'gut reaction' or our gut instincts, as opposed to the physical reaction of red or the mental reaction of yellow. Orange offers emotional strength in difficult times. The color psychology of orange is optimistic and uplifting, rejuvenating our spirit. In fact orange is so optimistic and uplifting that we should all find ways to use it in our everyday life, even if it is just an orange colored pen that we use.

Orange brings spontaneity and a positive outlook on life and is a great color to use to help keep us motivated and to look on the bright side. Orange aids in the assimilation of new ideas and frees the spirit of its limitations, giving us the freedom to be ourselves. At the same time it encourages self-respect and respect of others. In spite of all these things, orange is probably the most rejected and under-used color of our time. Some sites I’ve found claim it to be THE most disliked color in the western world. This will be interesting to remember once we discuss the emotional and physical repercussions of an imbalanced second chakra.

Element | Water. Our first physical home in the amniotic sac was one of water. Not surprisingly, the second chakra deals with "gut instincts," basic emotions such as fear, rage, and joy and basic interpersonal emotions that are often unspoken.

This chakra also reflects how we feel about being in or near the water. Psychologically, water is the metaphor and symbol for emotion. It becomes clear that balancing the second chakra is an important part of emotional health. Many people associate astrological signs with the chakras. If you are a Cancer (like me) you can obviously find the relationship between water- it’s ebb and flow - and the ebb and flow of the emotional body to be practically identical in nature.

Water is also an element that supports our entire physical system- we cannot survive without it. But in terms of the earth’s body, the areas of water are sometimes considered to be mysterious and full of questioning. The same can be thought of our emotional (and physical) bodies, as many times our emotions are ruled by subtle energies working deep below the surface.

In the Yoga Sutras, the edition translated by Chip Hartranft, he described consciousness in a beautiful water metaphor: “Consciousness behaves something like water in the ocean. As it’s currents stir the water into waves, the water’s surface is set into motion. When this occurs, two essential properties of water become invisible - it ceases to appear either transparent or reflective. Instead, its agitations disrupt the surface, fragmenting the reflected light and rendering the surface opaque...However, when consciousness becomes truly motionless, these appearances of permanence and continuity break down. Just as turbulent water’s opacity gives way to transparency when it calms, the illusory reality represented in consciousness becomes transparent."

Location | The location of the second chakra is the pelvic bowl- about two inches below the navel. The areas of our physical body that are governed by the sacral chakra include the genitals and reproductive organs, the sacrum, the stomach, liver, gallbladder, pancreas, kidneys, spleen and upper intestines. Each of these areas are all impacted by the balance of energy in the second chakra.

Noting these physical areas, it makes complete sense that this chakra is involved with all the watery things about us: circulation, urination, menstruation, orgasm, tears. Emotionally this area also impacts intimacy, desire, sensuality and sexual energy, self-acceptance, personal relationships, and those “gut reactions.”

If the second chakra is in balance, that is, not too much energy in that area of the energy body and not too little, one will feel an emotional connection to others and a sense of creativity. She/He will take pleasure in life, and trust his/her instincts and intuition. Feeling compassionate, friendly, satisfied, sexual, intuitive and overall vital are also associated with a balanced chakra. One feels comfortable relating to others in an open manner and feels a sense of belonging in the world.

Trying to influence the outer world is not the way of the second chakra. Instead, the goal or life lesson for the sacral chakra is to feel a bond with others (family, friends and community) that allows us to express who we are and our creative energy openly and freely without losing our own identity. Instead of demanding that our body or a relationship be different, the second chakra encourages us to feel the feelings that arise as we open to life just as it is. As we allow ourselves to accept what is, we taste the sweetness (and bittersweetness) of life. When we relax our resistance to life, our hips let go, our reproductive organs become less tense, and we're open to experiencing our sensuality and sexuality. We allow ourselves to go along with the ebb and flow of life.

In a culture as confused as ours is about sexuality, pleasure, and emotional expression, there are an infinite number of pathways to an imbalanced second chakra, and many many people suffer from imbalance. For example, people who were raised in an environment where emotions were repressed or pleasure denied will be more likely to lack energy in the second chakra.

Emotional symptoms of a second chakra deficiency include fear of pleasure, being out of touch with feelings, and resistance to change. Fear of loss of control, or being controlled, through events such as addiction, rape, betrayal, impotence, financial loss, or abandonment by partners or colleagues. Sexual abuse, sexual aversion, and/or lack of communication about sex during childhood can lead to feeling closed down in this chakra or may result in making sexual energy the most dominant part of the personality. The second chakra is also the seat of creativity, so not being able to express your creative side is another indication of an imbalance in this energy center.

An excessively charged second chakra may reveal itself through overly emotional behavior, sexual addiction, or poor boundaries. Excessiveness may result from a family/living environment where there's a constant need for pleasurable stimulation (entertainment, partying) or frequent emotional drama. Imbalances in the second chakra can manifest as irritability, a need for power and control, guilt, blame, shyness, or not taking responsibility for our own emotions.

Additionally if you experience any of the following physical problems in your life, your sacral chakra may need a bit of fine tuning: decrease or excessive increase in sexual desire or sexual problems/discomfort, menstrual problems and/or hormonal imbalances, lower back pain, abdominal pain, sciatica, excessive tiredness, pain in the pelvic area, urinary problems, issues around poor digestion and decreased resistance to infections.


Asana | Many of the asana related closely to the sacral chakra are (not surprisingly) hip openers. A few simple poses that really tap into this area’s energy are cobra pose, open angle pose, and cow face pose. The beauty of these poses is that they are simple to do and are easy to include in a daily yoga practice (or on their own!). Done together they open all different areas of the sacral chakra - the front of the hips, the inside of the hips, and the backs of the hips. All hip and groin openers should never be forced, for they require the subtle touch of sensitivity and surrender.

Two other wonderful asana that I personally love for svadhisthana opening and connection are pidgeon pose and mermaid pose. Do not be surprised if after settling in to either one of these you experience a lot of discomfort emotionally and find it difficult to stay in the pose. However, if you feel you need an opening in your second chakra, these both are going to help tremendously. After settling into either, stay as long as you can - I recommend at least 2 to 3 minutes. But remember - don’t force the opening. Go to where you feel comfortable and allow your hips to find there way on their own.

Although there are a ton of hip opening poses that help align the sacral chakra, here are my personal last two favorites. Baddha konasana or bound angle pose can also be substituted with goddess, frog, or happy baby - each of these help the energy in the body focus downward, aiding the flow towards the pelvic area. It is also said to help pretty much eradicate all the symptoms of an imbalanced second chakra: it stimulates abdominal organs, ovaries and prostate gland, bladder, and kidneys, helps to relieve mild depression, anxiety, and fatigue, soothes menstrual discomfort and sciatica. Used in conjunction I recommend parivrtta trikonasana or revolved triangle, which aids in the relief of mild back pain and stimulates the abdominal organs as well.

Because the sense of taste is the sense affiliated with the second chakra, another helpful way to balance the second chakra energy is with food. So…

EAT | foods that stimulate the second chakra such as chocolate, fruits such as bananas, watermelon & pears, honey, bread & butter, ice cream, pastas, wine, and nuts. Orange colored foods are also said to help stimulate the sacral chakra. If you feel like your second chakra is over active, it's a good idea to avoid these foods (which I know can be hard- I can't imagine avoiding chocolate!) for the benefit of energy balance.

SMELL & FELL | the essential oils of Bay Laurel, Bergamot, Cardamon, Clary Sage, Jasmine, Lavender, Rosemary, Rosewood, Sandalwood which are all said to have a stimulating scent and have the effect of loosening one up – emotionally, mentally, sexually or energetically. Citrus oils such as Sweet Orange, Neroli, Tangerine, Mandarine red are also said to be uplifting and encouraging. If your second chakra energy is in need of grounding, Carrot seed oil will be very helpful.

DO | art! make something! work with your hards! Dance, sing, tap your fingers, move you hips! The second chakra also responds well to other sensory input such as classical music, art, gardening, flowers, decorating and cooking. All of these activities are naturally sense-balancing. Sex with someone you love is also great for balancing the second chakra

GIVE | yourself love and appreciation! If you create something, love it because its an expression of your self. Pick up some beautiful orange flowers, and wear things that express your unique individuality. Let yourself relax into yourself, knowing that you are are the only you and only you can give yourself the right to be loved.

Svadhisthana is the center of pure, steady attention and power of concentration. It is the one which connects us to the inner source of inspiration, and enables us to experience the beauty around us. The pure knowledge given by this #chakra is not mental, but it is direct perception of the Reality, that can be felt in our palms and indicates our subtle blockages.

Sacred Truth | Honor One Another - Every relationship you develop, from casual to intimate, helps you become more conscious. No union is without spiritual value.

Mudra | There are two mudra positions commonly used in meditation for connecting with this sacrka. The first is the Dhāna or Samādhi mudra - Dhāna when used with the left hand or both hands resting in the lap, and Samādhi when the thumbs join to touch (as I have shown above). This has been assumed to be the mudra the Buddha adopted when meditating and reaching enlightenment under the Pipal tree. It is said to Indicate perfect#balance of thought, rest of senses and tranquility. The second mudra is the Yoni mudra, said to be the gesture of the womb. Interlace the fingers inward in front of the lower abdomen, and extend the index fingers, placing the fingertips together. Do the same with the thumbs. Yoni is said to translate to “origin of life” and has a variety of different symbolisms. Used as a mudra is connects the #energy directly to area of the reproductive organs, connecting specifically to the svadhisthana.

For Meditation | In a seated position, hold the mudra of your choice in front of your lower abdomen, allow your awareness to settle in the lower abdomen. If you prefer you can sense the chakra originating from the spine and opening to the lower abdomen. If you like, chant the svadhisthana bija VAM. Other mantras: inhale: I flow freely exhale: with the rhythm of life. Feel your breath like water, moving up from the sacral chakra, through the crown of your head. Feel how much the body moves like water, and know that the water working within us is something that connects us to all life. Continue to breathe.

& that concludes the extensive dive into the ocean of the second chakra. Tune in next week for the fun-in-the-sun party with the manipura! :) xoxo

After having been inspired by many people, books, experiences, and of course YTT- my curiosity of the chakra system has been expanding A LOT. In an attempt to learn more, I've begun to dedicate each of the next few weeks to each chakra. Each day on my insta-feed I've posted a photo and a little bit of information, which over the week accumulates to a long essay of info. It's mostly a collection of basic research, lines I draw and connect on my own, personal thoughts, and surface understanding, but it's been a really fun way to understand and communicate these pieces of life that I'm finding incredibly interesting.

By doing this I am certainly not claiming to be any sort of guru on the chakra system- and just after one week on the first chakra I've realized that, like many aspects of yoga, the chakras require a lifetime of study. But this is my ground work- my initial layout, of what I hope becomes a beautiful, colorful, home.

Last Monday I began with the first chakra or root chakra, also called the Muladhara (pronounced just like it's spelled).  Here's what I found and also what I shared.

Symbolism:
Color  |  Red Red has a slower vibration than the colors that symbolize the other chakras, therefore sounds much deeper. The color red is said to represent courage, passion, loyalty, and is energizing. It excites the emotions and motivates us to take action. It is also the color of the spectrum most available to the eye, so when looking at a group of people, the person wearing red is going to be seen by the eye first.

Envisioning the color red glowing brightly at the base of the spine is one way to access the energy of this chakra.

Petal Number  |   4 The lotus of the root chakra has four spokes, or petals. Four is the number of the square and foundations. The square is related to being honest, or giving a "square deal", the four energies of earth-earth, air, fire, and water, and the four directions. Four walls, four legs, or four wheels represent a strong foundation. There are some teachings that state the number of petals of each chakra also corresponds to elements of the anatomical- actual spinal arrangements and nerve pairings. Seen symbolically, however, the four petals still apply. The muladhara is our base, our foundation. When it's balanced or imbalanced we feel the repercussions through everything. Imagine a stool with four legs - if one of those legs is off a bit, the whole stool wobbles. It's no wonder that our first chakra, the chakra said to be more developed and influenced in our first stages of life, relates to our most basic survival needs and our sense of belonging- whether to our family or a larger group.

Element  |  Earth  Representing physical and emotional grounding, Earth is also the source of our creation. When we feel connected to the Earth, we feel connected to ourselves.

To quote Alan Watts "We do not 'come into' this world; we come out of it, as leaves from a tree."

Location  |  At the base of the spine, the very floor of the torso. The Muladhara is at the coccyx/perineum. It effects the bones, feet, legs, large intestine, elimination, immune system, adrenals and the sense of smell. To tie in the symbolism of the root chakra, the idea of the balance, strength, and grounding that comes from the earth, as well as the four petal symbolism of the lotus very much relates to the essential structure and stability of our bodies. Our feet through our legs, bones and our nervous system- these are what keep us standing. They are the basis of our physical and sensual experiences. In understanding the color red in relation to the physical location, we can see clearly that the symbolism of red being the source of our action relates to the energy behind the steps with take, and the symbolism of our power relates to the strength in our stance. It being the first color our eye recognizes ties into so many aspects of this chakra- it developing in our first stages of life, it effecting the first level of our anatomy, and it effecting our most basic needs or survival and safety. 

Because the root chakra is directly connected to shelter, survival necessities like food, clean water, and safety, when any of these aspects of our lives are thrown off we experience an imbalance in this area's energy.

Circumstances that pull up our roots include traveling, relocation, feeling fearful, big changes in our body, family, finances, and business. Some people, often those with busy minds and active imaginations, don't need special challenges to become deficient in this chakra; they feel ungrounded most of the time, living more in the head than in the body. If the first chakra is weak, the entire energetic system is at risk. Blockage in this area can cause us to feel anxious and worried. We may have a tendency to hoard things or over indulge causing poor dietary habits and substance abuse. One may feel a lack of energy, resistance to change and the need to slow down.

One of the beautiful things about the body is that everything that happens within it is fused and interconnected. If we provide ourselves with positive energy, we will feel the repercussions throughout. When examine the first chakra we can observe that when it is clear and energy flows through it freely, we feel secure and confident that we can easily fulfill our needs. When it's balanced, we feel “rooted”, secure and that the world is a safe place. There is a calmness, patience, and a willingness to slow down and stay in one place. Likewise, if we are in a place of major change and we find ourselves reacting negatively, our body will sense this and react sympathetically. If one is experiencing chonic lower back pain, rectal and immune disorders, depression, multiple personality disorder, OCD, addictions, sciatica, and/or varicose veins- these are all signs of a root chakra imbalance.

Beginning to examine asana with regard to the first chakra, uttanasana and paschimottanasana are great calf and hamstring stretches which help open and strengthen the lower body and root the attention downward. When our hamstrings are tight, the contraction creates a sense that we're constantly prepared to run away. By opening these areas, we relax and stabilize the flow of energy through our roots.

Tadasana and parsvakonasana are two other asana that are fantastic for reconnection to the muladhara. When standing in tadasana, take a moment to really feel the feet press into the ground. Sensing the weight of the body, and the strength of the legs pressing into and pulling upward, giving the body complete support. Tadasana is one of the most important of all asana because it provides our truest foundation, key alignment, and is a reflection of how we interact with the world. Parsvakonasana, being a pose that requires a lot of stability, is a great practice in feeling the root of the soles finding their power through the earth. Likewise, it also strengthens the legs, feeding more power into the root chakra.

With an imbalance in the root chakra other issues may come up with physical family, social and familial law and order, confusions around the feeling of home, group safety, and security. There may be a focus on an need to prove for life's necessities and stand up for yourself. There may be fear of abandonment, and or/ difficulty with family bonding, identity, tribal honor code, support and loyalty. Two wonderful asana that are great when experiencing these feelings are balasana and utkatasana. When in childs pose make sure to have your forehead touching the ground. Allow yourself to completely surrender, relaxing all the muscles in your hips, down your back, in your neck and arms. This experience will help to settle an overactive mind and encourage you to give into the support of the earth. Child's pose becomes a huge relief and a feeling of safety can overwhelm the practitioner. The effects of chair pose are similar to side angle in that there is a balance and stability required that comes directly from the feet and strength of the lower body. The beautiful thing about chair is that there comes a trust in the lower half of the body to not fall. From the force of the feet downward and squeezing of the legs and hips inward, the strength moves upwards through the body allowing a weightlessness to develop in the upper half of the body. This again gives the sensation of trust throughout the connections of the muladhara.

If you feel you have deficiency in this energy point, the first and most important thing to do is acknowledge that deficiency and make a conscious choice to actively balance the energy. Asana is a fantastic way to reconnect to the physical energy points within the body, but there are of course many other options. Here are few more I've found:

EAT: root vegetables, mushrooms, red colored foods such as apples, strawberries and pomegranates. Maybe make a completely red meal and while eating it focus on the feeling of being grounded, being safe, and being connected.

WEAR: red! Just seeing the color and clothing yourself in it can remind you of the attention and energy your choosing to direct.

ADD: a pinch of sea salt to your water once a day. It is a fast and effective grounding technique, and it gives you a daily dose of electrolytes, and trace minerals.

SMELL & FEEL: the essential oils of sandalwood, cypress, elemi, cedarwood, and rosewood - all trees that have roots deep into the earth. Other oils that help with issues of fear, depression and anxiety are frankincense, clary sage, geranium, rose, melissa, vetiver, and patchouli. These oils help reverse a sense of isolation from the group culture and they support the root chakra by aligning us with our connection to our physical bodies and the earth’s body. They help us to feel secure about being on this earth, being part of society and being centered in ourselves.

GIVE: love & attention on your feet by rolling a tennis ball underneath eat foot. Or get a foot massage! We have A TON of nerve endings in the feet and stimulating them, even just for a little bit each day, will help bring us back to balance.

For meditation practice:

Mudra In short mudra is small hand asana. There are over 100 mudras in the tantric yoga tradition, each having a different importance and effect on the energy within the body. There is an incredible amount of energy moving through our hands, and by focusing the position of the hands in a certain way we can directly effect that energy. Most mudra is suggested to be held for a fair amount of time, 15 minutes is a minimum I would suggest.

Mudras can be used in or out of meditation, but are most effective in accessing the chakra when in meditation while using a bija mantra. The guyan mudra is used for the root chakra. The tip of the thumb and the tip of the index finder come together while the other fingers rest open. This is the most commonly used mudra in yoga and when active it stimulates and acknowledges knowledge and ability and imparts receptivity and calm.



Lam is the bija mantra associated with the root chakra. Bring your attention to the root chakra. Take several seconds to allow your attention to find the space, and to get settled into it. Allow the mantra Lam to arise repeatedly in your mind silently. Allow it to repeat at its own natural speed. You may find that it comes 5-10 times and wants to pause, or you might find it wants to come continuously. If it pauses, allow it to return in its own time. The mantra may move quickly or slowly. In any case, keep your attention on that space. That space might be tiny, such as a pinpoint, or it might be several inches across. Follow your own inclination about the size of the space. Allow your mind to naturally be aware of earth, solidity, or form. That awareness may come a little or a lot; either way is okay. Allow to come through your mind the awareness of release, and the connection of all things. Draw yourself into that connection - connection of all smells, the earth, oceans and rivers, the air, your friends and family. Visualize your strength and the energetic circuitry connecting you to all life. Breathe.


The bija Sat Nam is highly recommended for the first chakra, but can be used for all prana. When using: Breath in Sat. Breath out Nam. Breath in Sat. Breath out Nam. This mantra is probably the most widely used mantra in the practice of Kundalini Yoga. Sat means truth—the reality of one’s existence. Naam means the identity. It is a bija (or seed) mantra. Within the seed is contained all the knowledge of the fully grown tree. The essence or seed is the identity of truth embodied in condensed form, chanting this mantra awakens the soul and balances the five elements.

And that concludes the first week of my chakra study! A part of me feels like this is just a lot of technical information about such subtle energy points in the body that are anything but technical. However, I know information like this will not only help me, but will hopefully help others as well.

Next week I'll be diving into the incredible and complex second chakra. Woohoo!!

Every day that goes by I think about writing another blog post. I'm now in my third week of YTT and there have been such a vast array of things going through my head. Things about yoga and asana for sure, but also things about myself, my family, my relationships, experiences that I thought I understood before that I'm now interpreting in entirely new ways. It's mind boggling - like, if I were to describe what mind boggling feels like, this is DEFINITELY it.

 

It's not that my whole world is being flipped on it's head, because it isn't. A lot of what we're digging into in class is stuff that I have encountered before in some capacity, but we're going so much deeper into all of it. One of my fellow teachers in training described in the first week as "a breaking down to build back up," and I am totally feeling that this week.



Having the opportunity to take the vivid, exciting, and completely elevating information that I'm gathering in class right into my world each week is daunting. I am naturally finding myself questioning and observing and being aware of so many new things in my world. It's pretty exhausting. And to be honest right now…. I'm scared. I'm so in love with this whole process, and every time I'm in the space of the studio I'm excited and I feel safe, but when I step out of the studio I'm so scared. I'm scared of not retaining all of it, I'm scared of not being able to eventually teach to my full potential, I'm really scared to go through all of this and not come out on the other end more well-round, more knowledgable, more compassionate and understanding, and I'm super scared about how much I'm going to change from this. I wouldn't consider myself a person with an aversion to change, but you know when it's happening rapidly it's always hard, and it's always scary because it's the first time you're doing something completely new.


One thing I have to say I've been doing lately, that I think is one of the hardest things and is partly what's facilitating my nerves, is that I've been giving myself permission. In moments when I feel the voices creeping up in my head saying "you can't do that! you won't be able to do that! you're not good enough!" I clear them out as quick as I can, and I tell myself "you can. you always can. you may not right now if it's not you're time, but be receptive, be thoughtful, and it will come from your heart just right and at the right time." And this is for so many things. For things I want to say to people who are close to me, to asana's in my physical practice, to future goals I want to achieve - those voices come up, and I'm giving myself complete permission to shut them the fuck up.

But, you know, that means I put myself out there a bit more, which, of course, is terrifying. Seeing yourself in a completely honest way is something that is really really hard but I think should be done often - because we are constantly changing minute by minute, but also because it helps us confront exactly what needs to be taken care of at that moment, and it doesn't build and explode out of us later on. I guess the point I'm trying to make right now is that I feel like some stuff is pouring out of me from the past (particularly this week) and I'm doing my best to acknowledge it, and take care of it. Most of that time that means seeing it and letting it go immediately.

I think this post is becoming more of a free-for-all of a bunch of things floating around in my head, however, this week has been emotionally confusing for me and when that happens I usually have to spew out what I'm feeling in one way or another. It's a good thing I've got this blog…

To wrap this one up I'll just say that the Yoga Sutra's are something I think everyone should read at some point if they're interested in thinking about the universe in a very big, yet very personal way and they're looking to find the tools for inner stillness, Daring Greatly should be required reading - I couldn't have written any of this post had I not been in the middle of this book, and everyone should breathe from their diaphragm - let go of the sucking in! It'll expand your world- trust me.

Much love all <3


ps. I've been doing a lot of ig yoga lately, and the ones you see here are just some of my favorites :) and yes that's my boyfriends face in the last one.

What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of new situations? Falling? Heights? Walking home in the dark? Someone you love dying? Are you afraid of losing your health? Losing a friend? Losing your phone? What about spiders? Cockroaches? Maybe snakes? Are you afraid of hurting yourself? What about hurting yourself emotionally? Are you afraid of not getting what you want? Not succeeding? Not thriving?

I'm personally afraid of a lot of things- rational and irrational. There are times when I think I give into my fears a little too easily, I don't even try to get over them. With spiders, I just ask my boyfriend to take care of it, no question. But with bigger situations that are more socially or emotionally based, I give into them with negative self talk, by backing away from a precarious situation, pulling into my little shell and cowering from whatever it is that is making me uncomfortable.

Sometimes that fear has nothing to do with something treacherous at all. Sometimes it's meeting someone new, one on one. Sometimes it's being honest and not knowing the reaction I'm going to get. Sometimes it's just being myself. Some days I'm just too tired to be courageous- I'm too weak in my spirit. It's those days that I've come to realize are indicators that I have not been doing my part to keep myself strong. I have not been giving myself the time, the self care I require, and as a consequence I lack confidence.

One thing I've learned is that to build courage takes practice. It doesn't happen over night. Negativity towards oneself and giving into fear is something that we can do daily and far too easily. Positivity and bravery are also things we can do daily, but they can seem much much harder. And how do we get over being scared? I for one will stop, take a deep breath, let it out, and soften into myself. Giving myself that moment is the first and most important thing I can do to remind myself that I am here- I am with myself, and I am here for myself.

It's like any relationship. If you were to treat yourself like a good friend, like a best friend, what kind of affection and honesty would you give yourself? What kind of jokes would you tell yourself if you were feeling poorly? What kind of motivational words would you give yourself, because if you know that if you were talking to your best friend you would want them to deeply feel and hold onto the confidence to succeed in whatever task, large or small, they were pursuing.

This week starts my yoga teacher training, and although I am excessively excited, today I think is the first day I'm actually pretty nervous. I'm not feeling very well, and I haven't practiced in a hot room in almost a month. With all the traveling and moving around I've been doing, I've skipped out on a lot of personal one-on-one time with just me. It's amazing how just a few weeks without concentrated practice can effect a person.

Which is what made me start thinking about this post. In the time that I haven't been giving myself time, I've notice a dwindling in my courage. The negative self talk comes up and it's harder for me to hit down. The little fears appear and instead of facing them, I tuck myself inside my shell and either wait for them to go away, or I simply walk away. These are in no way actions of bravery, these are moment of giving into my vulnerabilities.

But this is my breaking point. This post is my declaration of a new beginning. This new journey of TT is on my horizon and not surprisingly the theme of the course is courage. I have signed myself up for the class of fear facing! So now it's coming time to really ask myself, what am I afraid of? And most importantly how do I plan on overcoming those fears? And today begins the first day of me turning my course, turning back towards what I'm afraid of and learning to know it, understand it, overcome it. One of my big fears is putting myself out there, honestly and openly, so I plan on doing a lot of sharing on this blog about my journey.

I'm ready, I'm willing, and I'm so in need of yoga. I'm nervous about the challenges, I'm scared of what I might have to let go of in myself. I'm definitely afraid of not doing my best, but I'm so excited for all the growth that's ahead. The best thing about facing your fears, facing the bad stuff, facing the uncomfortable parts of you, your life, the people and things around you, is that once you do there is nothing that can take back those moments of courage. And that courage becomes a part of you.

So let's do this!!

I flew out to San Diego a week ago tomorrow, and on the plane ride over I took some time to write the post below. Although I've thought about posting this every day since I landed I haven't, simply because I'm in California, one of my best friends was in town, I've been catching up with old faces, and I'm soaking in as much salty air and sunshine as possible. However, I've finally forced a little discipline on myself to organize this small entry- so below are some thoughts I had almost a week ago, and some.. well actually lots of pictures from the past two weeks :) I hope you enjoy xo

(*some brooklyn fun before the flight out west)
I'm currently on a plane flying out to San Diego. Although my usual reaction to flying is excitement, the closer the day of the flight comes the more I start to get really superstitious. Everything is a sign that this is it, something is going to go wrong, and it's my turn and everyone else on the plane's turn… to die. It happens every time. I eventually end up getting on the plane regardless, and once in the air I'm usually more excited about how incredible everything looks from the height (not to mention the clouds!!) than anything else. I resign myself to the fact that, if this actually were my time, that's exactly what it would be- my time, and I'd have to accept that because what other choice to I have?

(*pre-plane stretching - so important!)

I feel like a lot of things in life are like that- we don't have control over nearly 1% of our lives really. From the food that's put in front of us at the grocery stores, the quality of the air in neighborhoods we live, even what we'll encounter once we step out of our doors- all of those things have already been determining themselves. The food has already been picked by the farmers and been transported by the pilots and/or the truck drivers, the people in our cities have already been driving and the planes have already been flying, seeping their exhaust into the air while the trees and plants keep trying to soak it up, and we all have our own agendas which usually lead us to come into contact with everyone else that stepped out their own front doors. All of these things and millions of other little decisions and actions are happening and occurring throughout the world and the universe all the time, and to think we have any control over any of it is incredibly arrogant. We each have an effect on the ongoings of the world, and thus our decision making (each and every decision) is incredibly important and symbolic, but our level of control externally is minimal.

(*when cec was in town we made sure to go to the beach every single day)

Which leads me to my thoughts on self control. The one arena we each have the opportunity to hold complete power is our own selves. Our minds, our bodies- our thoughts, words, actions, beliefs, attitudes are all things we have 100% control over. Most of the time I'm not sure most people realize the immensity of this power we are capable of having. Most of the time we're all too busy and too distracted trying to control the impermanence around us to even recognize the sheer wonder of our own bodies and capability of our characters.

The movie for the flight was 42 - the movie about Jackie Robinson's first few years in the major leagues. What a story. He is a man who is an incredible representation of what inner power and strength of self can prove. The sheer stamina let alone grace, patience, and determination came all from within him, despite the excessive and ignorant opposition he faced.

(*california yoga <3)
While watching the movie I felt incredibly humbled and inspired by how strong of a character he had. And I just kept thinking- we are all capable of that kind of strength. Every single one of us. It's just allowing ourselves the opportunity. Clearly we won't all find it through baseball (some of us will find it through yoga ;) but the natural ebb and flow of life forces challenges on us whether we like it or not, and those are truly our opportunities to look within ourselves to see just how strong we can be. The external world wants to hand us challenges, and we all go through different ones that become unique to each of our lives. And that's exactly what they are- they are the bumps in our journeys.

I was thinking earlier about how much I've learned in the past few years. About how much I've changed and how much stronger I've become because of certain experiences I found my way into years ago. And I realized that all of the people who I have for so long considered to be the negative people that were the source of a lot of my pain, self doubt, self loathing, and personal confusion were also the source of my positive change. Had I never met those people and made those unhealthy decisions for myself, I never would have stumbled, fallen, learned to pick myself up, and then kept walking. I would have never found the strength in myself to choose differently and move away from those people because I knew I was worth more. I would have never started my journey of proving to myself that I feel that I'm worth more. So really, all of those people helped me and guided me. Not in the most nurturing ways, sure, but where would I be without them?

(*moments...)


The challenges we encounter are not there to beat us down, or destroy our spirits. They may do that for a period of time, but that's just what it is - a period of time. Because what they're really there for is proving to us that we are all capable of finding strength from the obstacles. They're there for us to be reminded of how strong we are. Because we are. Just think about the human body and how much it can physically endure, right? Well our spirits, our characters, our selves (as much as it seems the world at times is telling us the opposite) are just as strong- if not stronger. Because sometimes just will power can make the body do seemingly super human things.

So I'm still on this plane, and I'm not scared, because if it goes down I'm ok knowing that it was just my time. My family, my friends and my boyfriend all know how much I love them, and that's what matters to me. And at the very least I've learned, and hopefully helped other's learn, a few awesome things about life. And I feel really good knowing that although I am still really scared to be strong, and really scared of finding myself, and really scared of being myself and being strong in a world where so many people are so judgmental and critical (mostly out of fear and fear of facing themselves I know!) I'm still really glad that I'm trying and I've given myself the opportunity to try.

(*more california yoga <3)
Finding inner strength is not easy, and like everything else it takes practice and many reminders. So this post has become one of my many official reminders. BE STRONG. You'll end up hitting home runs like Jackie Robinson.

I've been wanting to write this post for days. I keep thinking about it, wanting to write it, and then getting caught up in something else- whether it be cooking, working, cleaning, anything- and it needs to be written! I feel like I'm at this really exciting mid-point in my practice where I can reflect on all the challenges I've encountered, and the distance I've covered just before I hit a major lift off point (aka teacher training!) which I know will be an incredible journey all in itself. But I want to take this time before training kicks in to really talk about progress, because it's taken me a long time to understand what progress really feels like, looks like- what it really means.

(*All photos go from left to right in progression- the earliest start in March 2013, the most recent are from today or yesterday)

It wasn't until a point a couple years ago did I start really understanding the importance of time with regards to progress. To be honest I think it really hit me when I decided (after shaving all my hair off) that I wanted my hair to grow out really long. It took years for it to grow out even to the length it was before I cut it all off, and during those years I would continually look in the mirror, pull on my hair, and think "just grow fasterrrr!" But of course it didn't. My hair took it's precious time growing out, torturing me through its phases along the way.

When I started up my yoga practice full force after a few years of it being off and on I made this decision to find a strength in my practice that I hadn't found before. I wanted to transform my body out of the stagnant shape that it had been in for so long, and release a lot of what was being held in me. I knew at the time about the scar tissue in my hips, I knew about how energy stores itself in pockets of the body, and I knew that unless I found a pattern of physical activity in my youth I might not find it later in my life (which I also knew is extremely important for mental and physical longevity). I was feeling weak in my body and in my spirit, and I knew that a consistent yoga practice would help to alleviate those dispositions.

So I jumped back into it. And I quickly learned that my body, just like my hair, requires its own time to strengthen and grow. I had to accept that nothing I could do would help my hair grow faster- it would have to grow in it's own time, and I inevitably had to accept this for my body as well.

Progress is not an instantaneous thing. Nor is it something that requires years and years (unless we really believe it needs to, or we're counteracting our own growth simultaneously). It is something that takes a little at a time, otherwise how would we be able to digest all the change all at once? Granted sometimes life will throw us curve balls and we'll have to adjust quickly and appropriately, but most of the time, for our own personal growth, we can only ask of ourselves to do a little more than we think we can each day.

The beautiful thing about yoga is that if you can't physically do something or go to a depth you want to go to that day, your body will make it VERY clear that it's not an option that day, and you become forced to accept that. The extremely important thing to take away from days like that, however, is not disappointment, or frustration, or excuses, but rather faith in oneself. Because even though we may not be able to do something one day doesn't mean we won't be able to do it the next day, or the next week/month/year as long as we have faith in ourselves ad our natural capacity for change.

In Anatomy of the Spirit there is a line that says: "Belief in oneself is required for healing." Belief is faith, and without faith in oneself we will be completely unable to overcome any obstacle in our way, whether we put it there for ourselves or not. Healthy progress, mentally and physically, requires a natural ease from one point to the next- no short cuts allowed. But the beautiful thing is that with all the time and energy we use comes an incredible satisfaction and fulfillment, because the results surprise us and excite us, and we begin to learn that it's not just the results that we're working for, it's the work itself.

When I was once in a really low place, where I was lost in my process and I didn't know if I could get to the other side, a person, not even that close to me, who I admired and looked up to sent me a message that contained, "Hold on tight. It's going to be okay. Live the question, ride the process, find solace in the unknown." And those words helped me more than I think this person realized. Because that's what matters- it's not the goal, it's the challenge. If we look only at the goal so far off in the distance it will seem impossible to get to that point, and we will likely lose our faith in ourselves, but if we look just a few steps ahead of ourselves, and work forward towards just those few steps, before we know it the goal is right in front of us. And we'll realize all those steps we took to get there were the guidance we needed to overcome our obstacle.

When I was ruminating about this subject of progress, a clip from one of my all time favorite movies popped into my head. Progress is not something that can ever be achieved alone, and more people than we realize contribute to our individual progress daily. Travis Birkenstock from Clueless describes it almost perfectly when giving this acceptance speech for accumulating the most tardies in his class. Just imagine him saying "progress" instead of "tardiness" and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about :)



And on that note- don't ever give up on yourself. Because if you keep working a little bit day by day towards what you're trying to achieve, eventually you'll get there, and you'll realize every step of your journey was a piece in the puzzle of that achievement. So enjoy the ride. x